- i have been 18 for four days and approximately eight hours, and i don't understand it at all. this is being an adult? i waited 18 years to feel like this? this feels like 12 and uncertain about my future. this feels like 7 and sure that all boys have cooties. this feels like 2 an unable to voice my thoughts in a coherent manner that will make them heard. this feels like 86 and senile.
- i still feel childish - perhaps even moreso now than i did before, because now it's rebellious. i don't particularly disagree with being childish, to be honest - it was never my decision to be an adult, after all.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Sunday, April 17, 2005
and all this solitude is my confidence eroding
- i had so much to say. so many fun topics and silly stories.
- but then i found a girl who was in trouble. and i almost watched her die. and i felt bad for not knowing how to save her life. she didn't die, and i found someone who did know how to save her life. i still felt bad.
- but the fun and silly is definitely gone for the time being.
- i have felt completely powerless since then.- it was scarier than those two car accidents i was in.- the taste of life is precious, so savour it with every breath.
- intelligence is artificial. sure, i can get a 95 average, but i know nothing about me.
- i don't know what this post means. i feel guilty. am i delerious? is that how you spell delerious? how can i have so much and still feel so empty? i have so many feelings, but somehow i'm numb. i think i'm a failure, but i'm not sure. why can't i sleep this off? why can't i sleep at all?
- i think that i would ramble forever, if i didn't think that my brain was going to turn off soon. the caffeine is doing me no good. have i ever been this incoherent before? i wish i had pizza. yeah, pizza.
- i'm going to go get pizza.
- but then i found a girl who was in trouble. and i almost watched her die. and i felt bad for not knowing how to save her life. she didn't die, and i found someone who did know how to save her life. i still felt bad.
- but the fun and silly is definitely gone for the time being.
- i have felt completely powerless since then.- it was scarier than those two car accidents i was in.- the taste of life is precious, so savour it with every breath.
- intelligence is artificial. sure, i can get a 95 average, but i know nothing about me.
- i don't know what this post means. i feel guilty. am i delerious? is that how you spell delerious? how can i have so much and still feel so empty? i have so many feelings, but somehow i'm numb. i think i'm a failure, but i'm not sure. why can't i sleep this off? why can't i sleep at all?
- i think that i would ramble forever, if i didn't think that my brain was going to turn off soon. the caffeine is doing me no good. have i ever been this incoherent before? i wish i had pizza. yeah, pizza.
- i'm going to go get pizza.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
the best policy
- for years, i've found all meat besides the two common poultries to be offensive in most ways. i never really had a reason for this.
- when you really think about it, there aren't many things that are less appealing than a pig's ass, but a chicken's breast comes pretty close. and so it certainly couldn't be the idea that i don't like eating animals, since chicken is about one of my favourite foods.
- i also don't care about saving the animals. i mean, i do care about saving the animals, i just don't care enough to do anything about it. mean? yes. but hey, at least i'm honest. and everybody likes honesty, right?
- so i got to thinking about meat and asses and honesty, and it all sort of clicked:
- chicken and turkey are honest meats. they don't try to hide behind some other name that would camouflage the reality of what they are, simply to protect the innocence of those indulging in them. do you really think mcdonalds would be so popular if burgers were really called "piece of those moo-moos we see on our way to grandma's house?" would hotdogs really be so hot (get it, it's a pun) if it was called "random assortment of parts that were left over after all the good stuff was taken?"
- it's not much of an explanation (or an argument, really), but i think that's it.
- when you really think about it, there aren't many things that are less appealing than a pig's ass, but a chicken's breast comes pretty close. and so it certainly couldn't be the idea that i don't like eating animals, since chicken is about one of my favourite foods.
- i also don't care about saving the animals. i mean, i do care about saving the animals, i just don't care enough to do anything about it. mean? yes. but hey, at least i'm honest. and everybody likes honesty, right?
- so i got to thinking about meat and asses and honesty, and it all sort of clicked:
- chicken and turkey are honest meats. they don't try to hide behind some other name that would camouflage the reality of what they are, simply to protect the innocence of those indulging in them. do you really think mcdonalds would be so popular if burgers were really called "piece of those moo-moos we see on our way to grandma's house?" would hotdogs really be so hot (get it, it's a pun) if it was called "random assortment of parts that were left over after all the good stuff was taken?"
- it's not much of an explanation (or an argument, really), but i think that's it.
Monday, March 7, 2005
under there
- when we're born, we're the little understood creatures called "babies." these poor unfortunate souls, for the majority of the first while in their little lives, are forced to wear garments under their clothes ("undergarments," if you will) called diapers.
- diapers, in case you hadn't noticed, are more or less unisex. as children age, however, girls' underwear becomes more and more small and boys underwear becomes more and more large. other possible terms are skimpy and airy, respectively.
- this continues through high school and party time (er... college), and, as far as i can understand, until about the third child, at which point, girls stop worrying about "satisfying their man" and boys stop worrying about "keeping their man aired out." and so girls get bigger panties, and boys get smaller panties. and by panties, i obviously mean the manly equivalent.
- this trend continues until, at about age 70, failing eyes and stunningly similar underwear are the two leading factors of couples forced to mark their underwear with their initials so they don't mix them up.- and then, and 80, the cycle is finished, and there is once again a return to the completely unisex diaper.
- oh life. how just you are.
- diapers, in case you hadn't noticed, are more or less unisex. as children age, however, girls' underwear becomes more and more small and boys underwear becomes more and more large. other possible terms are skimpy and airy, respectively.
- this continues through high school and party time (er... college), and, as far as i can understand, until about the third child, at which point, girls stop worrying about "satisfying their man" and boys stop worrying about "keeping their man aired out." and so girls get bigger panties, and boys get smaller panties. and by panties, i obviously mean the manly equivalent.
- this trend continues until, at about age 70, failing eyes and stunningly similar underwear are the two leading factors of couples forced to mark their underwear with their initials so they don't mix them up.- and then, and 80, the cycle is finished, and there is once again a return to the completely unisex diaper.
- oh life. how just you are.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
s'cuse me, pardon me
- has anyone else noticed that the last people to get to a show (be it theatrical, musical, or otherwise) are always the people who sit in the middle of the row?
- it's really interesting to remember that these people - the ones who sneak in three seconds before the performance starts and then barrel through everyone in their path so that your choices are either get your knees the hell out of the way or have them taken off; the ones who seem to have rip van winkled since the day they bought their tickets and just woken up and realized that the performance was in ten minutes - most likely had no problem being on time when they were beating you to the tickets for the prime seating area.
- those bastards.
- so what i suggest instead is the five minute system. the people in the middle group of seats are expected at a particular time. the people on the outside of them are scheduled to arrive five minutes later, and so on. the last people are scheduled to arrive ten minutes before the start of the show, so that all annoying shuffling and shifting-in-the-seat ceases before the commencement of the performance.
- the best part is, if you miss your time, the people on the outside of you get to move into your seats. the later you are, the more shitty seats you get. - how much fun would it be to usher that show?
- usher: "sorry sir, you were a jackass and didn't show up until three seconds before the performance. here, have these terrible seats."
- jackass: "a-wha?"
- usher: [smirking] "enjoy the show!"
- cue the start of the performance.
- it's really interesting to remember that these people - the ones who sneak in three seconds before the performance starts and then barrel through everyone in their path so that your choices are either get your knees the hell out of the way or have them taken off; the ones who seem to have rip van winkled since the day they bought their tickets and just woken up and realized that the performance was in ten minutes - most likely had no problem being on time when they were beating you to the tickets for the prime seating area.
- those bastards.
- so what i suggest instead is the five minute system. the people in the middle group of seats are expected at a particular time. the people on the outside of them are scheduled to arrive five minutes later, and so on. the last people are scheduled to arrive ten minutes before the start of the show, so that all annoying shuffling and shifting-in-the-seat ceases before the commencement of the performance.
- the best part is, if you miss your time, the people on the outside of you get to move into your seats. the later you are, the more shitty seats you get. - how much fun would it be to usher that show?
- usher: "sorry sir, you were a jackass and didn't show up until three seconds before the performance. here, have these terrible seats."
- jackass: "a-wha?"
- usher: [smirking] "enjoy the show!"
- cue the start of the performance.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
the lost art
- the school systems generally try to make sure that students are taught all of the arts: literature, music, visual art, and drama. some are imperative, others are optional, but most are at least offered.
- but there is one key exception. one very important and useful art is left out. this art has a direct impact on most of our lives.
- the art of cutting cheese.
- you may laugh, but think seriously for just a moment. how many times have you been frustrated at cutting crooked cheese? how many times have you gone to have a quick snack, and you spend more than a quick amount of time trying to fix the mess you made with the cheese?
- i don't know, but anytime i cut a slice, it's crooked. and then i try to overcorrect to balance it out, and somehow my efforts leave the cheese even more messed up. it's usually around his point in time when i flail my arms at the sky and yell, "why must you smite me with your crooked cheese, oh might smiter?"
- and then i wrap the cheese and let the next person figure it out. it doesn't really matter that much - since no one can cut cheese properly, they'll probably just think it was them anyway.
- but there is one key exception. one very important and useful art is left out. this art has a direct impact on most of our lives.
- the art of cutting cheese.
- you may laugh, but think seriously for just a moment. how many times have you been frustrated at cutting crooked cheese? how many times have you gone to have a quick snack, and you spend more than a quick amount of time trying to fix the mess you made with the cheese?
- i don't know, but anytime i cut a slice, it's crooked. and then i try to overcorrect to balance it out, and somehow my efforts leave the cheese even more messed up. it's usually around his point in time when i flail my arms at the sky and yell, "why must you smite me with your crooked cheese, oh might smiter?"
- and then i wrap the cheese and let the next person figure it out. it doesn't really matter that much - since no one can cut cheese properly, they'll probably just think it was them anyway.
Monday, February 14, 2005
let me play among the stars
- no matter how much i age, i'm pretty sure it will always be cool when it's cold enough out that i can pretend i'm smoking just by breathing.
- smoking isn't cool.
- but pretend smoking? it's so cool that i'd go so far as to say that it's smokin'.
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