i was thinking of you

- one of my closest friends is sikh. he has a lot of hair. mostly, his head hair is in a turban. his beard, however, hangs boldly and freely in front of his face.

- in general, this provides much fun, as i do not have a beard and somewhat wish that i did. they are so much fun to stroke. it makes me feel thoughtful.

- the other night, however, my eye was bothering me for quite some time. when i finally got home and had a chance to investigate, i removed my contact and examined it. sure enough, one of his beard hairs had made its way underneath my contact and had been rubbing itself against my eye all night.

- merry christmas to you too, kartar.

no glove, no love

- now that's it's christmas break, i've had some time to catch up. i was reading a book of lists. 'twas the title of the list which first caught mine eye: average size of erect penis for various species, it said. at first, i tried to restrain, telling myself that i wasn't a pervert. but i am a pervert. so i read the list with great interest.

- the key points: the average length of an erect penis of an elephant is ten feet. as a comparison, the tallest man who ever lived (robert pershing wadlow, for those who are interested) was 8 feet 11 inches. and he was more or less a giant, having the disease 'giantism' or something like that.

- there is a species of duck (i'm at a loss for the specific name) that, on average, is sixteen inches in length. the average length of its erect penis is seventeen inches. did anyone else just picture that? was it way more ridiculous than it was impressive? yeah, me too.

- final point (and redeeming point, for those males in the audience): the average length of a gorilla's erect penis is two inches. that's slightly bigger than my pinky, but not by much.

- final final point: i really wish that i had talked about a rhinoceros, or possibly a dinosaur, so that i could make a pun about being horny.