Sunday, February 29, 2004

- today sort of doesn't exist. well it exists, but it only exists in quarters every year, and we kind of throw all those quarters once every four years and forget that they exist the other three years.

- basically, my point is that it would be really cool to do something memorable today. if you've been planning on doing something for a while, or you know there's something you will eventually do, or you jus think of something fun and wacky of the top of your head, do it!! that way, on february 29, 2008, you'll be able to say, "oh yeah, i did <> on february 29, 2004." and the person to whom you are speaking will be in quite a dilemma. "is that four years ago, or is it simply one year ago?" who knows. not me.

- it's fun to mess with other people's heads, though, so get on it!

Saturday, February 28, 2004

- i wish the world was flat. it would be so much easier if there was a definite end. maybe there could be a wall. although i'm sure people would spray paint their names and thoughts and the dirtiest words they could think of all over it. i don't know why people do that, but it's fun to look at. it's interesting to see the thoughts that other people think are so important that they must be permanently attached to a wall or stall or bus. so if you were driving along and suddenly you came to a giant wall with wide assortments of graffiti painted on it, you would know very well that it was time to turn around. but there aren't walls. there isn't even an oddly shaped bush or a pole that is just a little too tall. there is no marker to tell us when we've gone too far, nothing to tell us when to turn around. and sometimes i go too far. i think i am too far in general... when someone gets to me, they're lost. they should never have gotten this far. and they all realize it, eventually. they all go back and leave me. i am what's past the bush and the pole. so how do i get back? how do i put up the wall? or maybe it's already up. maybe i just never move so i don't know it. maybe the wall is where it should be, and i'm just on the outside. someone wanna send me a map?

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

- you know how on every show ever made (and in a considerable number of movies, too), at some point your favourite character is in some sort of giant freak accident and they get rushed to the hospital and they have to administer those giant electric pad things to bring them miraculously back to life? yeah, i wish they had those for shoes.

- so i was walking home with madison from her bus stop and i jumped into a giant bank of snow to avoid getting hit by the bus. and then we walked across the busiest road in the city, which had no doubt just been salted. and then we walked through a park that had more dog crap per capita than any other park that ever existed. and it was raining. and snowy.

- to make a long story short, my shoes are ruined! gone! dead! i miss them.

Monday, February 23, 2004

-things that are fun:
driving too fast
looking at my fat hamster
swinging on swings
watching a friend step in a puddle
rolling down an icy hill

-things that are not fun:
jumping off a swing and hurting your feet
stepping in a bigger puddle
not being able to move coherently after having rolled down an icy hill

Saturday, February 21, 2004

- so i just watched the end of the first period of the leafs - canadiens game (the leafs were winning 3-0, of course, and matt stajan (my husband) scored), and some random guy in the fron row was wearing a senators jersey. how does that make sense?

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

- so, sleeping in my sister's old room while my window stops leaking has made me realize that when it comes to going to bed, i am the oldest "little kid" there is. let's review:

- needs a light on to sleep... check
- needs a flashlight in case the other light doesn't reach all corners of the room... check
- also does some last minute reading with the flashlight under the cover tent so that parentals won't see the flashlight... check
- likes to be tucked in... check
- needs "special teddy"... check
- likes to have a glass of water before bed... <>

- well... i'm getting there. i am sure there are boogie men in the closet.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

- so the word going around is that getting your full drivers' license is supposed to be liberating. well, i've had mine for two weeks [so you're obviously the expert], and i haven't felt it yet.

- no overwhelming feelings of pride, joy, maturity, freedom, or being grown up. a little excitedness, sure, but that was more at the fact that full license = complete music control. no more oldies for me... ....except i like oldies. shh.

- and of course, there have been a couple of those sudden moments of realization where i've thought "woah, i'm driving," or "woah, i could go to texas,**" or "woah, i could really put a spin on things and barrel down a one way street the wrong way," but nothing liberating.

- there have also been the horrible parking jobs with no one there to mock me, the glorious parking jobs with no one there to congratulate me, and then there was the time i almost drove into a pole, but no one saw me. but still... no emphasized feelings of freedom or joy.

- maybe i'm just weird.

** i don't actually want to go to texas... no offense to texans, i'm just pretty small as it is, so if "everything's bigger" there, i can't say that i think texas and i would get along too well.

Monday, February 16, 2004

- my house makes lots of noises.

- first, there's the hamster. fergus (that's the hamster) could be seven rooms away from me, and i swear i can still hear him running on his little wheel. which would be conceivable, except i can't hear it when i'm in the same room as him. so it must be the house.

- then, there's the nail file. this one's only at night, but it distinctly sounds like someone filing their nails. i shudder to picture this (nail things are just gross), so i generally try to ignore this sound.

- don't forget the crazy fast bike slamming on the breaks on a hot day and the sound its tires make as it skids to a stop. yeah, that one happens, too. it's really loud and in your face, kind of like fred durst, only slightly more enjoyable.

- finally, there's almost always a background synthesized tuba on b flat noise. (maybe it's f, i don't have perfect pitch) it's just there. along with the other notes, there's no dissonance. it's kind of pleasant sometimes, but it's still strange. oh synthesized tuba, you never let me down.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

- for reasons unbeknownst to me, i wrote down a whole bunch of random words and their meanings in a notebook a long time ago... i just found it. yay! are you ready for this jelly? here:

who eats grains

who likes mushrooms (hehe i'm a granivorous mycophile)

excessively or submissively fond of a wife(i want one)

spiteful old woman

amount by which a bottle falls short of being full

resembling a grape

sausage shaped(impress your loved ones with this one at the breakfast table... "my, this sausage
is rather allantoid"...)

rambling meaningless talk

wordy nonsense(i guess that makes my blog waffly rigmarole)

- well, kids, that's all for now. but stay tuned; we will be doing a continuation of our series "how to get rid of any readers your blog might possible have," so don't forget to keep watching

Thursday, February 12, 2004

- i thinks bars of soap are disgusting.

- the idea of cleaning itself is actually a good thing (who knew?), but with a bar of soap? just eww. really, people. when you wash your hands with a bar of soap, you rub your dirty germy hands all over it, right? so where do the germs go? well, they're washed off by the soap, right? but where do they go?

- if germs are washed off by soap, who's to say they're going to wait until you put water on them to leave? i am positive that some germs, in fact, are transferred on to the soap (don't believe me? go get your hands really dirty then wash them with a bar of soap. soap gets dirty, eh?).

- so when i go and wash my hands with a bar of soap, i'm getting other people's hand (and probably bathroom) germs all over me. other people suck.

- similarly, baths are gross. let's see, when we wash in a bath, the dirt and germs go into the water, and i'm washing myself with... the same water!! hmm... what is wrong with this picture?

- oh yeah, the water is dirty. dirty, dirty, dirty!

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

- for anyone who has seen the truman show, you should know that it is the basis of my ultimate conspiracy theory.

- truman is this man who, since birth, has been constantly videotaped without his consent or knowledge. the production team of his show created an entire world for him, and he simply lived, no questions asked.

- i always wonder whether i should be asking questions. i could be truman. for all i know, there are cameras everywhere. i don't know why people would want to watch me, but maybe i'm some sort of freak experiment. how do i know that the world is what it seems to be? maybe i've been placed in a little box of reality, something that isn't anything like life, but keeps me alive just enough to see what i do. to me, the fact that this is a possibility is absolutely terrifying. to have someone just know me like that - for them to know what i've done every second of every day of my life... it's just scary.

- but of course, me being paranoid and all [because everything up there certainly wasn't paranoid], i take it a step further:
- what if my thoughts aren't safe? the only things i know about how my body and mind work are things i've heard or read - things i've been told by other people. but what if my body doesn't work at all like they say? what if i'm some puppet? what if i'm theirs? what if they exist inside my mind?

- as farfetched as it may sound, to me, it's possible. how do i know which thoughts are right and which ones are wrong unless someone's in there giving me insight?

- oh, brain, sometimes you hurt.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

- 0477700006 <--- this is what happened when i dropped my calculator down the stairs.

Sunday, February 8, 2004

- i fear spiders. i fear being different but i also fear being the same as everyone else. i fear that even if i truly believe in something, i can't speak of it because i may offend someone somewhere. i fear that i hurt people even if i never want to. i fear that i am my one and only true friend. i fear people. i fear being perfect, but i also fear being anything less than that. i fear being secluded and not included. i fear the dark and all of the monsters under my bed. i fear being successful in life but not happy with the success i have acheived. i fear not pleasing everyone. i fear not finding something that i am the best at. i fear needles. i fear i don't have a voice strong enough to defend myself against what people might say about me. i fear what people might say about me. i feear that i will be considered crazy. i fear death. i fear there isn't a place for me in this world.

- in conclusion, cats are stupid and dogs bark.

Thursday, February 5, 2004

- you know how "danger is my middle name" is supposed to be kind of a pick up line? well, it would turn me right off (not that anyone would try to pick me up, anyway). call me old fashioned [you're old fashioned], but to me danger is... uhh... dangerous. driving really fast, fighting, burning - all examples of things that are apparently thrilling.

- well, excuse me for being the ostrich, but please allow me to stick my head in the ground. i don't want to see danger, to hear it, to smell it, to perceive it in any way. it's just scary aah-ness.

- so, john "danger" smith, i'd much prefer it if your middle name was melvin.

Wednesday, February 4, 2004

- i got my full licence today, after a spiffy "one mistake" road test. i would like to point out that i rock.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004

- i've always thought that losers knew they were losers. cool people know they're cool; dumb jocks jocks know they're dumb jocks (that's about all they know); so it only made sense to me that losers would know that they're losers.

- as an individual in the society that is high school, i've never know where to place myself on the oh-so-essential "ladder of cool". the ladder that determines who you talk to, who you're allowed to sit with in the cafeteria/library, how frequently you answer questions in class, etc. i never thought of myself as cool, but i didn't think i was a loser, either.

- so then at school the other day, as i was passing an acquaintance and her group of friends in the hall, she said (directed partly to me, so that i would know what was being discussed), "see? heather's walking alone; she doesn't look like a loser." i kind of smiled at first, taking this as a compliment.

- but then, i wondered:
- people are afraid of walking in halls alone in case people think that they're a loser? does that mean the same people assume that people walking in halls alone are losers?
- i walk by myself all the time, i thought.

- in came the voices: [alert! alert! you are a loser!]

- i was awestruck for a moment. let's say two moments, just to be dramatic. it all kind of... well... fit.

- i am simply a loser, i decided.

- i also decided to blog about it. just to warn anyone else who might have had the same misconceptions as i did. beware: losers don't know they're losers. it happened to me; it could happen to you, too.

Sunday, February 1, 2004

- it really bothers me when people in a certain region (eg. canada) complain about weather that is completely typical and characteristic of that region (eg. cold and/or snow).

- i am canadian. i've always lived here - that's 16 winters, not one with less than two feet of snow at some given time. and sometimes, i am cold. sometimes, the snow bothers me. but i don't complain, because it's expected that it's going to be cold and/or snowy in winter in canada. all canadians know that. most people of the world could tell you that. so if you don't like cold and/or snow, and you know canada is cold and/or snowy, don't live here. or at least, don't complain to me about it.

- and if you hate it that much, move to florida.