Saturday, February 26, 2005

s'cuse me, pardon me

- has anyone else noticed that the last people to get to a show (be it theatrical, musical, or otherwise) are always the people who sit in the middle of the row?

- it's really interesting to remember that these people - the ones who sneak in three seconds before the performance starts and then barrel through everyone in their path so that your choices are either get your knees the hell out of the way or have them taken off; the ones who seem to have rip van winkled since the day they bought their tickets and just woken up and realized that the performance was in ten minutes - most likely had no problem being on time when they were beating you to the tickets for the prime seating area.

- those bastards.

- so what i suggest instead is the five minute system. the people in the middle group of seats are expected at a particular time. the people on the outside of them are scheduled to arrive five minutes later, and so on. the last people are scheduled to arrive ten minutes before the start of the show, so that all annoying shuffling and shifting-in-the-seat ceases before the commencement of the performance.

- the best part is, if you miss your time, the people on the outside of you get to move into your seats. the later you are, the more shitty seats you get. - how much fun would it be to usher that show?

- usher: "sorry sir, you were a jackass and didn't show up until three seconds before the performance. here, have these terrible seats."
- jackass: "a-wha?"
- usher: [smirking] "enjoy the show!"

- cue the start of the performance.

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