here i dreamt i was a mathematician

- i woke up the other day and realized that i had been doing multiplication in my sleep. with big cartoon numbers. this made it fun.

i'm going to shell you

- mario kart really is a classic game, because it makes absolutely no sense, but people still like it. i mean, a bunch of cartoon characters rave around in go-carts. that much is, if not believable, at least understandable.

- i also comprehend that competition would lead them to want to sabotage each other's game with anything they possibly could; everybody wants to win, right? because winning is everything.

- but really. who leaves boxes containing bananas and shells and lighting and ghosts sitting around a racetrack?

- how do you even get those things into boxes? i mean, bananas and shells are easy enough, i'm sure, though to be honest i've never tried. but lightning? ghosts? how to you capture said items and place them into something solid. lighting is unpredictable and deadly, and ghosts don't exist (and are deadly). can you imagine how many times someone actually fails at this job before they succeed?

- boss: "johnston! how many times do i have to tell you! get the lightning and put it inside the box! i don't care how many times it went through your body; through your body doesn't get results! get out there and fight it like a man, johnston."
- poor unfortunate employee: "but, sir -"
- boss: "don't be a pussy, johnston."
- poor unfortunate employee: *jumps out of the window*

- so really. he would go through all of this work and then just leave the damn boxes sitting around the racetrack carelessly? i think not.

- furthermore, some of the items just don't make sense. why does lightning make people small? why is a red shell more deadly than a green shell? why does a blue shell target the player in first? wouldn't an oil slick be a more effective slippery tool than a banana? so many questions are left unanswered.

- what a sweet game.

i smell like a man

- i ran out of my normal deodorant (or antiperspirant, i don't know), so i had to resort to using my emergency backup kind, and now i smell like man. but i'm not a man. so clearly, there's a problem.

math is the shit

- ice princess: no, i didn't watch it, but i am still going to talk about it. i hope you're down with that.

- the premise of this movie is much like that of many other chick flick movies targeted at the younger half of girls in their teens and their unfortunate boyfriends. in other words, it's about a girl who goes from geek to chic for some reason or another.

- but i feel i really must represent geekdom here and say what the hell is wrong with geek in the first place? who's standing tall and respecting the intelligence and the thick glasses? who really has the power to say that chic is all that great? i mean, the word's french. and most of you don't know french. so quit your whining, is all i'm saying.

- however, what really got my bubble busted was when i decided to inspect the cover of said wretched movie. what did it say? well let me tell you what it said. it said, 'from scholastic to fantastic!'

- this just made my jaw drop. disney doesn't know what it's talking about. all those fatcats and their rhyming words. let me tell you, disney, that this isn't black and white we're talking about here. it's not like there's some line and scholastic's on one end and fantastic's on the other, and we're all just waiting to take that one way, no stop trip. that line curves, baby. it curves all the way into a circle. and that circle's filled in. and you know what's right in the middle?

- it's me. cause i'm both scholastic and fantastic. and that's not nuts. don't go calling agent smith over from the matrix. he's not needed.

- disney sent out a stupid message with the cover of this movie. not that i was going to watch it anyway, but now i have even more reason to boycott it. don't try and tell little girls and their boyfriends that you have to go away from scholastic in order to be fantastic. cause it's not true. fantastic people? yeah, they're all pretty scholastic, that's what makes them scholastic. so there.

- side note: also on the cover, i noticed that the girl (in the 'scholastic' phase, of course) is wearing and i heart math pin. anyone know where i can get one? i'm being serious. i would wear it every day. because i heart math.

don't need no abacus

- my friends and i were watching aladdin last night because, well, because we could. and isn't that reason enough?

- but a thought struck me in the middle of the song 'prince ali' when the genie was listing all of aladdin's wonderful possessions, and he came to 'llamas galore.' on screen, there were only three llamas.

- do three llamas really count as llamas galore? how many items must you really need for them to count as 'galore?' is there a specific point when you no longer have something 'galore' but instead just have a lot of that particular item?

- and if my sneaking suspicion is, in fact, accurate, shouldn't there be someone employed to monitor and eliminate the misuse of glorious words such as 'galore' and save them for such occasions when they would truly be appropriate?

there's another world inside of me

- it's hard to realize that your life has started and you're not living it. that's what happened to me. i am no longer bound by the law or by my parents to go to school and live at home and be who everyone wants me to be. i am myself, and i am free of the clutches of all possible evils. my life has started. and i'm at home blogging.

- wow. just wow.

stalkers two

- some people might think it would be really creepy to be stalked, what with the being followed and what not, but i actually like it, since my stalkers are an alcoholic beverage and a pretty rockin' rock band.

- this all started about a month and a half ago, i would say. once day, some of my friends went to subway on our lunch break. conveniently parked behind the subway (generally out of sight) was a very large beer store truck.

- of course, my first thought was to steal it. but instead i went in and purchased a juice.

- that's not shifty, i know. but the very same beer store truck has been spotted by me near us on several more occasions since, always in areas, like the subway, conspicuously away from the nearest beer store. interesting... stalker one.


- okay, folks, let's play a game: what's red and hot and chili and peppery? one might guess the red hot chili peppers, and one would be right. but one would also be right if one guessed my other stalker.

- ever since that fateful night at least a month ago when michael de jourdan and i went to zehrs and purchased bubbles, whenever he and i are in a vehicle at the same time and the radio is one, the red hot chili peppers come on.

- i like the red hot chili peppers. so does michael de jourdan. these facts make the stalking arrangement work out quite nicely for all parties involved.

- now all that's left to do is to get drunk and listen to the red hot chili peppers.